Definitions

I believe we all subconsciously define ourselves, and our actions are a manifestation of that definition.

When I was in the 6th grade I was lucky to make an important realization about myself and life.
It was the first day back from winter break. That winter break was a rough one for me and my extended family. 
Lots of sad and negative things occurred, although they truthfully didn't affect me personally all that much.
The teacher goes around to several students asking them to share what they had done for the break. Some had traveled, others had spent the time doing leisurely activities they typically enjoyed, and a few were too shy to share much at all.
Then she got to me. I could have simply said that I spent my break with my family, playing video games or any of the other things I did. But I didn't. Instead, I shared some of the unfortunate occurrences that had happened to my extended family. 
And I didn't just share the general ideas, I gave details and even had a passive aggressive tone in my voice.

My teacher, Ms. Turner, looked at me for a bit and said "Tyson I'm sorry about all that". 
And then awkwardly moved on.

I'm not the smartest guy in the world. And I can be pretty oblivious to things I do sometimes.
But for as long as I can remember, I've always made an effort to understand myself and be aware of what I do and why I do it. So after this interaction with my teacher, I feel a little embarrassed. I know I'm being a downer and how unnecessary it was to share those details about my family. And I wondered why I did it.

It's because I liked the attention.
I liked how, even at that young age of 12, I could say I've seen some things and had struggles.
It made me feel deep and wise. Like I was more mature than the rest of my class.
And it made me feel important.

Sometimes people feel a need to define themselves by the trials and imperfections within their lives.
On the positive side, there are those in the world that identify much of who they are by the struggles they faced, but not because of how hard it made their lives or how broken they feel because of it- but rather by their determination and strength to overcome. They don't define themselves by the tragedy, but by their unwillingness to be conquered by it.
That's not what I'm talking about though.

I have friends who go throughout their lives unsatisfied with things that are good and simple.
Because they find it boring. They need the drama. They seek out the struggle.
From finances (why be responsible with my money? I'm just a poor, struggling young adult)
to their love lives (why date someone who has the same morals and priorities as me? sacrifice is part of love. or I really don't deserve that kind of love)

And to this day I have to keep myself in check.
Sadly there's something so enticing about being a victim.
I saw on TV recently how this woman's real life dad- who had sexually abused her and continually tried to confuse her about the occurrence to make it seem like it didn't happen- made attempts to contact her and she wanted nothing to do with him. 
When she called her mother to vent about it, her mom helps her to calm down and the next thing she says is so effective in uplifting her daughter- "Don't let yourself be a victim".
The temptation to feel sorry for yourself is strong in everyone, I think.

Life is hard enough already without my adding the drama to my hardships.
Why not focus on my hopes and dreams?
Why not remind myself of my triumphs?
Why not seek out those in the world that make being happy (truly happy) seemingly effortless?
Each of us deserves to be happy. When I'm not, the first person I should look to is myself.

 Choose to be happy. Choose to be special for the happiness you feel.

There's The Rub.