Time

Have you ever thought about how you see time in your mind?

One of the earliest conversations I ever had with Afton was about how we think of time.
I believe it came up when I gave her a fall mix, and proceeded to explain to her that I group most music by what season(s) 
they fit in and tend to only listen to that music during those seasons.
She then described to me that she thinks of time as a circle. Her week isn't a stack of lines you find on a calendar. 
Rather, she pictures each day, each week, and each year in a circle. After pondering it, it made sense to me.

As I've thought about that more recently, I discovered that I think in a similar way about time. At least the year.
Each year, each season, each month, each holiday- I've always thought of them as being on repeat. 
But more specifically, I think of how I tend to feel when each of those comes around.
For example, each spring I feel incredibly hopeful and excited about prospects before me. 
A natural way to feel during a time of renewal, beauty, and freshness.
And I've followed this pattern for as long as I've been aware of it as a young teenager.
I am born hopeful in spring, I aspire in the summer, reality sets in during the fall, and by winter I bury my head in the ground until the flowers begin blossoming again. It was often times depressing, but that's just the way I did it.

Today as I tried to not be too disappointed by the lack of crisp leaves and cool breezes, it occurred to me 
how incredibly different this fall already feels from those past.
I think the pattern I've followed and, quite honestly, found comfort in is no longer the path I'm on anymore.
With so many changes to myself and what my life is, I can no longer hold onto what I once was.

At first I grew uncomfortable and nervous. I missed the familiarity my dismal loop provided.
It's what I knew, and I knew it well.
But it didn't take me long to realize the potential that I've been given. 
Before me lies opportunity to redefine how my life goes in autumn.

This is a time of reflection and change.
A time to cherish relationships.

There's The Rub.