Staring Back

Just something I needed to get off my mind.

I've found myself over the last while behaving in a manner that is almost contradictory to the kind of person 
I've aspired to be. In fact, it goes as far as doing things that I've always rather disliked in others. 
I noticed how negative, arrogant, opinionated, and judgemental I'd behaved.
I think a lot of it comes from fear and an instinct to be defensive.
The election season, my work and school environment, regular criticism about my lifestyle, religion, and general opinions. 
There's nothing wrong with me knowing how I feel or even expressing it. But somewhere along the way 
I eventually forget that others are entitled to their opinions as well.

I remember as a teenager being told how opinionated and stubborn I am. Even elitist sometimes. 
And I remember taking that as a compliment. I've let that mindset define far too much of who I am as I've matured into an adult.

The moments when I really like who I am is when I can let go of the image I may or may not be attempting to 
put on for others around me. Those moments when I let people know my insecurities and faults. And my over-awareness of 
said faults. Cause then those other people can relate to that, and then we're connecting and becoming friends.
And honestly, all I ever want is to be friends with people I meet.
My favorite memories are those moments when, directly or indirectly, friends or family have shown me 
that they value our relationship as much as I do.

I read somewhere once this quote:

The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves,

and not to twist them to fit our own image.

Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.

I know that life is all about the journey of becoming the people we aspire to be.

I know that that change is a very slow process, moving more like the hour hand on a clock instead of the seconds hand.

I'm just set on being better. A better husband, friend, son, brother, and human.

There's The Rub.