Wisdom From Phyllis Vance

What I'm doing with myself lately.

Last week I was talking with a  very good friend of mine about her love life and some of the frustrations she has been experiencing. Without going into too much detail, she explained to me that despite the fact that she had dated guys and even had relationships with some of them, she couldn't get over an ex of hers. She knew that they would be happy together if he would just give it another chance. And she expressed the difficulty she had finding any guy she felt as strongly about as she felt for this guy.

So as I'm hearing of my friend's frustrations with this boy that won't be with her but she can't move past, I remember Phyllis Vance.

In most cases where I'm trying to adequately share my feelings about something to someone else, I will usually explain myself by talking about a movie or television show. I can never decide whether or not I'm embarrassed by this. But it is what it is, right? 
And when talking about relationships, I will most commonly think of The Office. 

It was the episode "Crime Aid". Dwight turned to Phyllis for help to get Angela back. Angela, at the time, was engaged to marry Andy. So Phyllis suggested that Dwight give Angela an ultimatum. Make her choose.
Then when Angela chooses Andy, Dwight asks "What now?", not realizing that the next step is to move on. She chose Andy and that was the end. Dwight struggles with this, as anyone would- as my friend was struggling with the same hard truth.
Then Phyllis says what I told my friend that night.

" I just think we all deserve to be with someone who wants to be with us"

I pay particular attention to the word deserve and want in that statement.
They are simple words representing heavy emotion.

Although she didn't say it, I was sure my friend's reaction was something like 
"It's easy for you to say that- you're married now! You don't have to worry about these things anymore!"
That's true, to some extent.

But first of all- I've been there.
Anyone who knows me knows that I've had my share of breakups, heartaches, and struggles with love. And more often than not, I didn't handle it in a way that I should have. I was too scared of being alone. And acting on fear? Letting panic be my reaction as opposed to confidently moving forward? That just made me look crazy and feel miserable.
I was just lucky enough to have the right frame of mind by the time Afton came along.
And in case you didn't know, Afton and I did break up. TWICE! So yeah, that was hard too.
But when it happened with her, I feel like I finally figured out how to handle it and react in a healthy way.

And secondly, I think this concept doesn't just apply to dating. It applies in all my relationships.
Whether it be romantic, professional, family, friends- it's important to respect yourself enough to make sure others appreciate you. And if the other individual is not showing you that level appreciation, I'm not suggesting ending it. Especially in situations of marriage or family or close friends, it requires communication. 
Maybe this is the needy side of me, but I think it's important that I be able to take steps that brings more of that feeling into my relationships- by talking about it, by spending more time together, or just sharing a laugh.

Since that conversation, I've thought more and more about it, and considering how I can better portray this to those people in my life- even those who I'm not especially close to. My family, my friends, Afton- how can I let them know that I want to be with them? That I am grateful for their place in my life? It's been very insightful to ponder this and really take action with it.


Anyway, that's what I'm doing with myself lately.

There's The Rub.