How Do I Feel Loved?

This post may be difficult to follow. It's a little scatterbrained. 

Recently I read an article at the suggestion of a friend.
It was called Instagram's Envy Effect.
"It only takes one friend at the Eiffel Tower to make you feel like a loser"
I begin by mentioning this because I've had in my mind something I've wanted to write about for the last few days but after reading this article, I want to approach it a little differently. And I want us to keep that idea in mind. I always want to be real. 
So I think, for at this post at least, I'm gonna be more upfront about less flattering details.

Last weekend Afton and I had a really intense conversation.
She had noticed that I had been struggling a lot and had gradually been sinking more and more into a depression.
I think it really started when we got married. There was a lot of change, and the first little while of our marriage had some bumps and challenges. But most of all, looking back now, I think the biggest issue I had was that I forgot who I was.
When I was moving forward with my life- going to the temple, getting married, starting a family in our own home- 
I remember thinking over and over that I had this opportunity to redefine myself however I wanted. This new chapter provided the chance to keep what I wanted about myself and rid my life of what I no longer wanted to 
worry about- imperfections, distractions, and flubs that hurt me for too long.
The only thing I didn't consider though was that it's important to remember the 
hardships you've been through, and the subsequent lessons learned from those hardships. 
It's those struggles that helped me gain a testimony, feel loved by others, and grow into a man.

I had forgotten who I was and had become deeply depressed.

Which surprised me. I have family that has dealt with depression so that's not any sort of stigma in my world, but I still never thought it'd be something I would deal with. I'm usually a pretty happy, optimistic guy overall.
I didn't think that would be something I would struggle with.

Afton and I talked a long time. And the main source of this depression and struggle was the fact that I had a hard time communicating with Afton about my feelings. The irony that a guy who prides himself on his ability to talk to people- who's even majoring in communications- and has a hard time to remember to express himself with his best friend is not lost.
In the last week I've made it a priority to be more open more frequently with people, especially Afton. 
And not just because it will benefit me, but because it helps Afton. It had to have been a real struggle for her to not 
have known all that was going on in my mind and heart when I was visibly struggling.
One of the best things we've tried is that when we have dinner, instead of turning on TV right away we give a little time- 
usually just 15 minutes or so- to talk to one another. We'll talk about our day, we'll talk about what we have coming up that will require our attention, we offer help when possible. It's been good.

I have been really grateful for Afton.
It was a while back when someone at church asked how a person may feel of God's love.
What in our lives helps us to feel loved by Divinity?
I've thought a long time about that and my answer always comes back to Afton.
She is the personification of my Heavenly Father's care for me.
She has my back through anything. Her patience and care for me is beyond anything I've ever known.
Just as God is patient and cares for my well-being.

I wrote in my journal at the beginning of my feeling down the words
"I just want to be the person I can and should be"
But I have to have more patience and more forgiveness for myself.
Just trying is enough most of the time. I get that now.
I can get there. And even beyond.

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters 
compared to what lies within us"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

There's The Rub.